Because I just lay here in my bed until the wee hours of the morning thinking of what my next move would be. I'm just really confused because I have no plans and it sucks to not have plans because ironically plans aren't always carried out the way you want them to be. It's like setting yourself up for disappointment but even that is better than not having anything at all. I wish I could say that there's something bigger waiting for me out there, like in the grand scale of things, something special is waiting for me and as I type this I think of how much it hurts every time I tell myself to stop fantasizing about things like that but I can't stop because fantasizing about these things is an addiction I can't show off because it's better to think this way than to think that this is it. This is all there is to life. Because I refuse to accept that a person who started out full of hope and dreams would go down just that easy simply because she made a wrong choice. Because they say that we don't have to be defined by the mistakes that we make. So what do we define ourselves with then? Because it really is tiring to think of things and not have the ability to change the reality that you're powerless to stop the inevitable. Failure.