I was enchanted to meet you.
I just envy those people who knows exactly what they want in life.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011 @ 6:10 AM
Because I just lay here in my bed until the wee hours of the morning thinking of what my next move would be. I'm just really confused because I have no plans and it sucks to not have plans because ironically plans aren't always carried out the way you want them to be. It's like setting yourself up for disappointment but even that is better than not having anything at all. I wish I could say that there's something bigger waiting for me out there, like in the grand scale of things, something special is waiting for me and as I type this I think of how much it hurts every time I tell myself to stop fantasizing about things like that but I can't stop because fantasizing about these things is an addiction I can't show off because it's better to think this way than to think that this is it. This is all there is to life. Because I refuse to accept that a person who started out full of hope and dreams would go down just that easy simply because she made a wrong choice. Because they say that we don't have to be defined by the mistakes that we make. So what do we define ourselves with then? Because it really is tiring to think of things and not have the ability to change the reality that you're powerless to stop the inevitable. Failure.
Don't you just hate people with no sense of respect?
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 @ 7:47 AM
Some people just doesn't know when enough is enough. Humor is no problem for me, I can tolerate whatever humor you throw at my face, even the foulest ones.
But everyone has their damn f*cking limits. I don't know how much of a low brainer one person can get, but they probably never learned GMRC when they were in grade school. That or they're just that much insensitive. Well damn them because karma is a bitch and I hope they realize that soon.
Labels: a-holes, respect
It's funny how one thing leads to another.
Thursday, January 6, 2011 @ 5:05 PM
Yesterday, a friend of mine, someone I used to be very close with, confronted me saying that he wanted to say sorry for the things he said and thought about me back in those times when everything between our friendship fell apart. He said he blamed me for ruining our little circle, and in fact for messing up our entire block. I wasn't really shocked by this revelation, though I pretended to be. And to be honest, I acted like I didn't know what he was saying but on the inside, I felt the same. It's just that the fact that it's been thrown so brutally honest in front of my face caught me off guard. Then he asked me to come back to them. I just don't understand how they can't understand what it's been like for me. It's not fun when you have no one else to serve retribution with or even just to share that burden. Did they even understand that they turned their backs on me too, even before I turned mine on them? Nobody likes the feeling of being blamed for everything (even if I secretly blame myself for it, too).
Labels: friends, you can't please everyone
A loner in every sense.
Sunday, January 2, 2011 @ 3:38 AM
That feeling when you have to lie to a friend just because you're too lazy to talk. Or that desire to shut yourself in your room because the outside world seems to be an annoying place to be in. How about the fake smiles and forced words just to be polite? Loner. It screams being a loner in every sense. Sure, the company of friends and other people might seem inviting sometimes, but I'm not sure how many people feels the same way when I say it just really gets tiring sometimes. No man is an island. Sure. But if you had let other people in your island before, and they sank this little island of yours and leave you to fend for yourself, I am sure the feeling of being alone in an island would seem the best option. But what can people do? The outside world is not our bedroom where we can impost rules. I'm not the best people person, but I sure as hell try my best.
Labels: loner
Goodbye 2010, hello 2011.
Friday, December 31, 2010 @ 11:09 AM
Every year I tell myself that I'd definitely strive to make things better. I'd work harder at school. I'd cherish my friends and family more. I'd be a better person, in general. Some resolutions I can accomplish, some were doomed to be forgotten in the first place. But every year, is another journey and every year, I learn something new about myself.
2010 was, I think, one of the most eventful year of my life. I've loved and lost and I loved again. I've let go of the people love, even if it kills me, because that's what you do when you love someone, right? You set them free. Even if I lost a lot of things (or people) close to me, I suppose I don't regret anything that's happen. I don't regret the decisions I made because I believe everything worked out alright in the end. No, scratch that. Not everything worked alright. Some of the things that I had no control of didn't go according to my liking, unfortunately. But I'm still thankful that despite losing a lot of things dear to me, I did gain new people in my life that I know I'd have to take care of. I might have let go of some bonds with friends, specifically highschool friends, but I'll try to work things out for the better this year. 2010 certainly was a year of growth and maturity for me. (Did I just say I'm matured? El Oh El.)
Here's to hoping a great 2011 for everyone!
Labels: 2010, 2011
November 19, I'm ready for you!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010 @ 9:23 AM
I finally got our ticket reservations for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. I'm so stoked, I could hardly wait! I'm watching at Alabang Town Center with a couple of friends and I'm planning to watch it at least three times! I have been waiting for this since last year. Getting those ticket reservations made my day. My countdown begins now! :)
Back to December.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010 @ 4:14 AM
I kept replaying Taylor Swift's new song Back To December all day. I keep thinking of this person whom I want to dedicate this song to. He'll never know, but I will always think of him whenever I listen to this song.
We were in third year highschool back then. He is my childhood friend and our family are quite close. Growing up, I've never thought of him as anything more than a brother, and him, me as a sister. I don't know what changed. It was like one day, I just noticed how much he grew up and I found myself developing a bit of a crush for my childhood friend.
Cellphones back then wasn't a necessity. I don't go around parading to people that I have a cellphone, so when I found out that he also has one, he took my number and I texted him back to let him know mine. And I guess that's when we started to talk more via text. To see a girl and a boy talking at our school back then made them an automatic item, so friends like us didn't really get the chance to talk often. Because of texting though, we grew closer.
To cut the long story short, we became a couple. We were both junior highschool students. I didn't realize it at that time, but it was only curiosity at my part, curiosity that I mistook for my first love. I can really feel that he was serious with me though. He was actually what every girl would possibly want in a guy. I was an idiot not to realize that at the time. He is smart, he always ranks first. He is sweet and loyal, dependable, musically inclined, God fearing and he loves and respects his parents. Just a tiny glitch in his personality was that he was really quiet.
It was happy when it first started, but then I got tired with his quiet personality. I'm very vivacious and I guess I rather talk to vivacious people than the quiet ones. So to again cut the long story short. I broke up with him, telling him we were better off than friends.
I would never forget the pain in his eyes as I utter those words that broke his heart. To have my friends tell me that he was just sitting quietly on a swing, tears falling from his eyes uncontrollably, broke my heart more than the thought of losing him did. At that moment, I guess I could really consider myself a selfless bitch. I guess I didn't give him much importance because I thought I could just get back together with him if I wanted to. But that never happened.
Going home for college here in the Philippines, I realize that I will never find another person with the complete package like him. And, as much as my pride would allow me to admit, I miss him. I wish I could have another chance to tell him how sorry I am to break his heart that easy, and if I, if we, would be given a second chance, I would never hurt him again.
"We" didn't happen on December, rather on September. Still, if I could just change things, I would. If Tswift apologized to TayLautner via this song, I would really, really love to that, too.
I'd go back to September all the time.
